Your Inner Critic… Best Friend or Worst Enemy?

Our inner critic, even if we don’t identify it as that, is something we’re all familiar with, perhaps painfully so. It’s the voice that lives inside our head that is ready to jump at any opportunity to judge and critique who we are and what we do. Your inner critic might feel like a constant companion or an occasional visitor. Whatever you might call it, we’ve all got one. Makes you wonder… Where exactly does the inner critic come from? Why is it there? And, for heaven’s sake, how do we get right of it?

Although each person may experience their inner critic slightly differently, there are some commonalities that tend to be pretty consistent for all of us. While some may experience their inner critic as a reliable friend, a best friend even, who is only trying to protect them, most relate to it as an adversary, even an enemy, that is keeping them from expanding their horizons.

Like picking at a scab that won’t heal (in part precisely because we keep picking at it), our inner critic goes after our perceived weaknesses, continues to poke at our vulnerable spots, and knows exactly how to undermine us and push our buttons. Clearly, none of these things are going to leave us feeling very good about ourselves. 

The existence – and persistence – of the inner critic can leave us doubting and delaying, postponing and procrastinating on even the most important things in our lives. Ultimately it can leave us showing up as a diminished version of ourselves. Understanding and dealing with this inner voice that has taken up residence in our head can liberate us to finally take the risk to change careers, open up to a new love relationship, or stand up for ourselves with healthy boundaries. 

Inner Critic Definition Redefined

The simplest inner critic definition is that it is our inner voice of self-criticism. And yet there’s so much more to it than that. Right in the title we see the inner critic definition includes the inherent criticism that it dishes out with abandon. It lies in waiting, observing and evaluating our every step. 

The inner critic definition includes our inner monologue of demeaning and diminishing self-talk that may come and go depending on how confident we feel about ourselves and what we are doing. It may feel like it never ceases (and maybe never will). The volleying back and forth of criticism and judgment can leave us confused and uncertain about how and if to move forward in our lives.

Far too often we mistake our inner critic for ourselves – thinking it is us – when the real inner critic definition is quite a bit more complex than that. In “parts work” attributed to Robert Schwartz in his Internal Family Systems the theory is that we have all kinds of different “parts” within ourselves playing different roles. Those occur as different voices or governors for us; the most extreme of this being dissociative identity disorder. Clearly that’s not what most of us are dealing with but we are still all saddled with the inner critic from time to time.

We’ll look to redefine our inner critic definition so we can either turn down its volume or put it to good use, finally making it work for us or rather than against us.

What Does Inner Critic Mean to Do

So, what does the inner critic mean to do if it’s not just there to make us feel bad about ourselves? The inner critic, meaning to keep us safe, will be the one to highlight all the ways we don’t currently measure up to the task at hand. Realizing that the inner critic is attempting, ineffectively, to act as our protector we can hopefully have more compassion for it, and for ourselves. 

When we can take the inner critic, meaning to be our protector, for what it is – unsolicited feedback – then we can learn how to work with it in a different way. When we learn to separate ourselves from the negative self-talk in our minds, we can more deeply understand what the inner critic means to do (however ill directed) and redirect it in ways that serve us rather than sabotage us.

The messages your inner critic sends, in the form of things we say to ourselves, can provide some insight into where and how the voice was developed. While we all have an inner critic voice to deal with, there are uniquenesses to each of us as individuals in what that inner critic has to say to us, where it came from and its favorite strategies to bring us down. 

What is the Inner Critic?

What is the inner critic beyond our inner voice of criticism? The inner critic is actually an amalgamation of voices, messages, opinions and expectations we’ve taken on over the course of our lifetime. These can come from absolutely anywhere. Most commonly you’ll find that our closest circles of influences – from family of origin, culture and nationality, perhaps religious beliefs or political leanings and more can all play a role in creating the voice of our inner critic. 

What is the inner critic if not the one that is meaning to keep us in line, make us behave and keep us coloring inside the lines of life – usually as someone else outside ourselves has defined them. The only real trouble is when we take on what the inner critic has to say as if it is our truth, we are left as a shadow of ourselves and our true soul’s expression.

What is the inner critic? An inner critic will use our most negative fears and feelings to control us and keep us small. Everything we think we are not or can’t be is fair game. Comparison and external referencing provides plenty of opportunities for our inner critic to take us down a notch – or two. Any latent shame or guilt, expectations and obligations, are the raw material the inner critic uses to make us doubt ourselves and why we are here.

Yes, when asked what is the inner critic some see it as a motivator.  As in “I sucked” quickly followed by “I’ll do better next time.” Sure, in some cases, this can lead to apparent accomplishment and being seen by others as a high-achiever. But internally this cycle often leads to discontent; never feeling like you can do or be enough and eventually to burnout.

For others, what is the inner critic occurs as a speed governor in their lives limiting who and what they could be. This does not need to be your reality when you realize the truth about what is the inner critic and how to manage it within yourself.

The inner critic “lives” in the East in your Divine Coordinates®. We often refer to it as the “bully.” Understanding your inner critic is key to transmuting the internal obstacles, the energetic barriers to success, that we all deal with. This will go a long way to silencing your inner critic. 

How to Silence your Inner Critic

When we work with people on how to silence your inner critic, the first thing we do is ask “who’s voice is that?” Perhaps a seemingly odd question. I mean, the voice is in my head , doesn’t that make it my voice? Not necessarily! And surprisingly, not likely. 

Before worrying about how to silence your inner critic, let’s actually get to know who or what it is actually made up of. Give it a try. What’s one part of your inner dialogue that comes up repeatedly? Bring that into your awareness first before reading on.

Now simply ask yourself “who’s voice is that?” Most everyone immediately knows who it is – and very often it’s not their own. It might be a parent, a sibling and ex or a nemesis. Most commonly, what’s happened here is we’ve taken on someone else’s criticism of ourselves and internalized it to the point where our inner critic feels like our own voice but actually isn’t. We simply picked up where they left off. 

If you didn’t identify a person this particular criticism is related to, it might be a societal or cultural expectation, code of conduct or “standard.” These might have things to do with how we are expected to behave that aren’t actually congruent for us, what our body should be like, how we make our living or really anything! Ultimately, we end up making the inner critic’s voice mean that there is something wrong with us because we can’t conform or comply. 

In working on how to silence your inner critic, the next angle to explore might be asking “when is the first time I heard this?” or “how old was I when I started to think this way about myself?” It can be shocking to realize just how long we’ve been carrying this critical voice around with us. That would be a burden on anyone.

The combination of these questions and lines of inquiry around how to silence your inner critic, should help you see that you likely took on a belief about yourself that actually comes from somewhere other than yourself. At minimum it is based in external referencing where we look outside of ourselves to identify who we think we should be and are not being. 

Inevitably, we end up feeling like we can’t measure up and our inner critic continues to remind us of that fact. But, consider, you were never meant to be measured against anyone but yourself, your Soul, really. You are enough, just as you were designed to be. Your inner critic, however, just might be keeping you from ever becoming who that is. 

Learning to love yourself is a huge step toward how to silence your inner critic. While we all stumble and fall from time to time, our inner critic would have us think that we are fundamentally flawed because of it. In reality, overcoming adversity in life and business will build your muscle to talk back to your inner critic.

Another fun way for how to silence your inner critic is  to personify these “parts” that like to say mean things to us. This could be as simply saying “thank you Critical Cathy, but I don’t need your input right now.” Or when you feel like that voice is trying to sabotage you, maybe you call her out as Sally Saboteur or Neurotic Nancy. (No offense intended to anyone with those names!) Personifying your inner critic separates it from yourself which may allow you to deal with it in a new way even if you don’t manage to completely silence your inner critic. 

While we aren’t so sure how to silence your inner critic once and for all, we can use these tools to manage it. Our favorite being turning your inner critic into your inner coach. 

Inner Critic vs Inner Coach

The match of your inner critic vs inner coach is a mastery move you may be ready for. It may seem absurd but it is possible to turn that nagging voice in your head into your greatest cheerleader. See if you can recall the last negative (or at least not so kind) comment you made to yourself about yourself. Do you have one?

Now imagine saying that same thing to someone you love. We would never talk to someone we love the way we talk to ourselves. Those snide remarks and biting comments would likely never cross our lips if we were saying them to someone else. There’s an opportunity for some powerful shadow work  when it comes to your inner critic vs inner coach. 

The first exercise you can try as you are wading into the ring with your inner critic vs your inner coach is turning your negative self talk into empowered self talk. All you need to do is rebut whatever your inner critic has to say. As I was first practicing with this years ago, I remember catching myself saying “could you be more stupid?” As soon as I “heard” it, my reply to myself was (outloud is best when possible) “actually, I am quite intelligent and (here is some evidence to that fact).” It might sound overly simplistic at first but it’s best to keep it simple at this stage. 

You can put your inner critic vs inner coach in the ring by putting pen (or pencil – colored pencils even!) to paper to expose the inner dialogue your inner critic is throwing at you. Allow yourself to connect with those phrases that hide as your constant inner chatter. Write them all down, as many as you can come up with, leaving some space between each inner critic comment on the paper. Typing on a device will not have the same impact here.

Once you complete your list (get started with at least five or six), go back and put the inner coach’s response in that extra space you left. Similar to the example above, for each snide remark that comes from your inner critic, give your inner coach a voice in response. Once that is complete, go back and read all the inner coach comments to yourself out loud and see how you feel after. You can even use this list of affirmations from your inner coach to give yourself a little pep talk whenever you need it!

Next, if we are going to turn your inner critic into your inner coach, we’ll want to start catching this all happening in real time as often as possible. When the inner critic offers its unsolicited input, take a moment to inquire about what it is trying to protect you from – as in keeping you in self-doubt to avoid eventual (perhaps perceived inevitable) disappointment for example. 

From there, you can thank your Protector for doing such a good job at its job but also let it know that your inner coach has got you now. Offer the space for your Inner Coach to cheer you on and know that you can call on them at any time. Just wait and see what happens when you become the master of your life!

Since 2011, courageous men and women around the world have chosen Divine Navigation and committed to the extraordinary and transformative experience of Aligning with their Soul-through their Divine Coordinates. We invite you to also explore the journey of Understanding Divine Alignment and Its Life Changing Benefits.